:: this girl ::

Over the last couple of evenings I've been going through my photos from the last 8 months, finally able to sort them onto a new computer. I've been handling my camera card with much care over these months, hoping all the photos would stay safe as they accumulated, and it literally fell to pieces when I pulled it out of the computer slot after downloading them all...phew! What I've noticed as I've sorted the blurry shots from the clear keepsakes, is how far our little one has come over these months. Already I have forgotten the details of those first days and weeks and all the little and big steps she made her way over, one by one. The way she did (and still does!) things in her own style so that we heard several times "We've never done this before!" But Elea did, and that's the way she's made her mark, slowly but steadily knocking out the obstacles in her way. Our days have become so much more peaceful and relaxed as she has become more stable and strong.

With her condition we've been curious to see how she would develop, because it's always been a "wait-and-see" situation. On Monday we passed her 8-month birthday (and 6-month corrected age) and, in many ways, she's not at all far behind her fellow babies...though we all know they develop and reach milestones at quite a varied range of ages.

More important than whatever developmental milestones she reaches or not and when, she's a wonderfully peaceful little girl and almost always content. Her eyes sparkle before a smile appears. She's funnily ticklish and often giggles as we change her. She really searches to make contact with anyone around, trying to make eye contact (even right now, she's just woken up beside me and wants to chat!). She has a great time under her playmat mobile, trying constantly to roll over or scoot herself all over the place. She has incredible determination as she tries and tries again to hold her head up high on her tummy. We know it's hard work for a little one with overall weak muscle-tone, but she has that inner strength that got her to where she is today. She loves her tastes of pureed foods and is coping very well despite the fact that she's still completely tube-fed and seems to have missed the mark on wanting to take anything from a bottle. She's learned how to hold her "lolo" (pacifier/dummy) in place, which is a wonderful developmental milestone in my eyes! ;o) She's quite simply our delightful, happy, beautiful little dark-haired girl, and we are so thankful for her. Our movements have been restricted and we often have to pass on going places in an effort to keep her health a priority, but she is growing in strength and it won't be long before these 'sacrifices' (though, I tend to see it more as quite a normal priority) will fade into distant memories, just as those first scary days already have. What a joy to be in these days!

:: a grateful heart ::

A wise friend once said to me that giving thanks is a powerful weapon in trying times. In the seasons of life that threaten to overwhelm us, to stop, notice and whisper a thankful prayer really does make a difference. We're in the middle of one of those seasons. Some days I don't know how I can do it, because I simply can't do everything on my own. There have been moments when I stop and look at the overall situation and wish that our story could have been just a bit different. Less complications, less stress, less tiredness, less confusion, less separation, less isolation, less unknowns. The unknowns make it seem like we're feeling our way along the path in the dark, not sure where we might end up. But, you know...if I change my perspective and take a little closer notice, the beauty is right there in the midst of everything. And there is always, always, something - many things - to be grateful for. As hard as it often is, choosing to have a grateful perspective lifts ours eyes and lifts our souls to remember that we are held, we are sustained, provided for and loved in every moment. And that we really are!

I am so thankful that we found the right person to come and spend several hours a day helping me out at home. Life is extremely busy with four pre-schoolers. One of whom loves heights and adventures of which his two year-old brain can't quite predict the consequences (or realise that there are consequences!), and one who needs our close attention at every moment. We found a friend who, at the same time, was discouraged in her work and was wondering how she could help us. So the both of us look forward to each day, grateful for each other's company. Jesus knows us so well to orchestrate things in this way. We are also so thankful to have governmental financial assistance and for friends who have been giving generously to add to that so we can pay her fairly.

I am thankful for our little team of people in this home. Our older three, who have gone through months of either waking up and finding mummy had unexpectedly disappeared off to hospital in the night, or had to share my limited time and attention as I spent hours a day at the hospital, could have understandably resented their little sister, but they haven't. They have wholeheartedly embraced her into our family and adore her. I have a feeling that her big brother will remain her keeper for many years...he may also have to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day with papa! He loves her so sweetly and gently I have no doubts they will be fast friends. Her sisters, too, love to touch her, talk with her, read to her, sing to her and help get anything she needs. They are strong, tender, and remarkable, and I am so grateful for each of them.

I am thankful for Eti, who is a wonderful support. We both have our hard days when we feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the endlessness of these early days, but normally when one is sinking, the other has the strength to grab a hold and pull, offering a better perspective. He is quietly servant-hearted, and generously loving in providing what we need and doing what few fathers can do or do, by doing the middle-of-the-night feeds. At least being fully nasogastric tube fed means that it doesn't just have to be mummy doing the feeds :o)

I am thankful for so many of you, our family and friends, many of whom live far away, who hold us in prayer and encourage us often. It means a lot to know we don't walk alone. Your hope joins with ours and your love for us is so generous. Thank you!

Last but not at all least, I'm thankful for the central character in this season's story -  our littlest love Eléa Agnès Joy. Her name means 'bright, shining light; peaceful, and joyful one'...and that is who she is. She is full of courage with the struggles she has gone through and still sometimes endures. As she grows and strengthens we have hope that these struggles will fade, but they do still occur from time to time. It's tough to see the panic on your baby's face as she tries to find breath that doesn't come until we manage to help her clear her airways. She is peaceful, though fiesty, sweet with such inner strength, and completely beautiful. Maybe it's her generous head of hair, or maybe it's her experience so far in her short life that fills her eyes with a depth of wisdom. We can't help but agree with Théo's adoration of her and feel so grateful to our Father in heaven for giving us the precious gift of her life. So thankful for every part of her...especially those ever-increasing sparkley eyed smiles :o)

These places in which such goodness dwells, which are all around us, help us find purpose and love in this narrative that is ours. It's easy to resent our story and wish it looked more like someone elses. I guess we always prefer the thought of a journey that is smooth, easy, fun and without fear, pain, or struggles. That is what we long for and what we look forward to one day, though in this life-time the shadows and darkness do exist. But that doesn't mean that lamps of gratitude can't be lit to show the beauty that exists all around us, if we just take notice. It's not easy. Some days I don't have the energy or the will to look up, but today I do...and I write to remember my gratefulness.

:: la suisse ::

We are back in Switzerland! As it often is when one returns somewhere familiar, it feels like we haven't been away for so long and it is really good to be back in a place we love and are familiar with. I could even race through the supermarket the other day and find everything I was looking for in their usual places...including the croissants au chocolat :o)

Our jet lag is slowly fading. We've had nights of wide-awake children at crazy hours, and day naps that have stretched a little too long, but I'm optimistic that tonight will be much closer to normal again. It was a very long trip with Amélie who fell ill the day before we left and the others who went downhill during the travels. Needless to say there was some very blatant bribery on my part going on in an effort to get the medication in to help keep little bodies comfortable. The promise of Swiss chocolate or choosing their own stories at the supermarket worked very effectively! The little ones did brilliantly overall and did manage to fit in several hours of sleep scattered throughout the flights.
 

Our first days have been relaxed, which has been great. We had to visit a pediatrician (all children here see pediatricians rather than GPs) with Elise and Théo who became ill with high temperatures and horrible coughs. We had to then make a small visit to the hospital for a chest x-ray for Elise to check for pneumonia, which thankfully was all clear. Both had bronchiolitis and Théo also pharyngitis and bordering on an ear infection. So it's been a rather eventful first week! But thankfully both have bounced back to their normal happy little selves.

In the meantime we've been enjoying the small things - being back in this little neighbourhood, surrounded by forest and chalets, gruyère cheese, saucisson, baguettes, croissants, hearing the cow bells! And of course catching up with friends! Eti's parents and some good friends of ours organised a pizza day on Saturday and we made delicious pizzas in their wood-fired oven while enjoying time with friends who could come and spend time with us throughout the day. Even the weather cooperated and treated us with beautiful sunshine.

The girls have been enjoying their time with their grandparents. Grand-Papa, especially, has two little shadows that accompany him everywhere, and he has acquired a third who has quickly been drawn to his warm, fun nature. No wonder when there are plenty of adventures on electric skateboards, picking raspberries in the forest, making cabanes (huts) in the back yard and playing for ages with the Duplo, among other things!

It's great to be here and we're trying not to let time fly too fast, as we fit in what we can. We're looking forward to heading over to Tessin, the Italian part of Switzerland to spend time with our friends there in a couple of days. Until then, enjoy your week out there!

:: thankfulness today ::

Today was such a beautiful, clear, cool Autumn day. There's nothing like a day such as this to lift the tired spirits, revive the downcast eyes and get a whole pile of washing out and dried! With such inspiration I thought it was high time I joined up to Meghan's 'Things I'm Loving' again to take note of what I'm thankful for these days. I love the byline of this linky:

I wholeheartedly believe that no matter what is happening in your life, there is always something you can be thankful for..no matter how simple it is. 

So true. All it takes to be thankful is seeing things in a different perspective.

This week we've had three little people with runny noses and nasty-sounding coughs. Us two bigger people are fighting on the edge so, needless to say, our perspective could easily not be so bright at the moment. Although I have to say that all three of the little ones are so impressive even when they surely can't be feeling great. They've never done sick grumpily - for the most-part they're hardly a notch less than their usual happy selves.  They can definitely teach me a thing or two.

The following are all from our day today, runny noses, a few fights and grumpy intervals along the way (please don't perceive perfection in any sense on our part through the following photos and words!)...

How can I not be thankful when greeted with a little face like this one as soon as the camera appears?! Clad in his mini flannelette pyjamas and eagerly eating his way through his cup of porridge and apple, he's a sweet little breakfast mate. He needed some extra cuddles and closeness today, so spent quite a bit of time accompanying me around in the front pack, grabbing a hold of anything that came within reach, like my hair or the clothes line. His grip and strength is growing proportionally with his weight gain. Ouch!

I'm loving our little lounge and the fact that it catches sun all day long, from sunrise to sunset. I love all the windows that give so much light, the warmth of the wood, and the bright spots of colour that make it feel cosy and well loved when it's chilly outside! I won't count how many window panes need cleaning before we move out in a few weeks, but rather admire how they provide us with such beautiful views to be enjoyed!

Speaking of views, one of my most favourites is of the little tree outside the lounge window. Since we've lived here it's changed from vivid Spring green to almost rainbow like these days with leaves all shades of reds, oranges, yellows and some still hanging back at green.

Being on a farm property means we are surrounded by fields. I love the views - the rolling hills and the ever-changing rotation of livestock in the neighbouring fields. At the moment my favourites are in residence: a sweet little flock of black-faced sheep who stick very close together as they make their way through the lush grass, often running and jumping as they go!

They're a curious little bunch of sheep too. I smiled as several of them watched Elise climbing up and along the fence. We'll miss their carefree little spirits and curiosity, that is also matched with the cattle that are often in the field as well.

I love these two and their never-ending energy to bounce and bounce and bounce.

...and the little characters from within who called out "I'm Elsa, mummy! I'm Elsa!" (Frozen) and "I'm Sarah, mummy!" (Little Princess). I slipped up several times throughout the day and was reminded countless times that "I'm Elsa, mummy!!" I'm thankful for bright, imaginative little minds that make life into a fun game. 

Elsa and Sarah went on several trips...

...as did Oska, our little friend who is staying with us while my parents are away. He was happily exploring the boundaries, slipping through fences a couple of times only to be called back quickly! One must keep an eagle eye on precious charges such as this one! He has become the favoured mascot of the little ones in the family lately, with Théo and his cousin Lucy who love him. They make quite a cute little trio!

As the sun dipped towards the west, the washing was collected in dry while a little front-packed man grabbed a hold of the clothes line whenever he could. Little girls asked to be pushed "really high" on the tire swing (though they were a bit disappointed at mummy's lack of ability to really push them as high as papa can!) and then, when the shadows stretched longer and the air grew colder, we returned indoors to keep little bodies warm, to bath, snuggle back up into flannelette pyjamas, eat dinner and jump into cosy beds tucked in with warm wheat-bag animals. They've now been long asleep and I've just been treated to a delicious "surprise" dessert as I added my birthday voucher to Eti's shopping list tonight. It was well and truly worth a photo, but too delicious to put down :o)

Joining in thankfully with Meg

:: je suis très fière de toi ::

I'm so proud of you. 

Often, during the day, I think of you and am filled with a sense of love and respect for you, knowing you're out there every day working for us, making it possible for me to be at home as our children grow. I'm even more grateful to you because I know you're not working in an easy environment...

Eti managed to almost walk straight into a job here in New Zealand. It was a position we heard of through someone we knew and we pursued it, and a couple of months later he was starting his first job in an english speaking world. It turns out that, in spite of glowing reports of what the job would involve in terms of training and possible future opportunities, he walked into a very messily run organisation. Some issues make us groan thinking "Surely this is not rocket science to anyone?!" with solutions being so easy to spot. Lately I've had to reassure Eti that this is not how all organisations in New Zealand are run!

Eti, what fills me with pride is the way you approach your work each day. You often tell me that you laugh off the terrible organisation of some of the jobs you are given, instead of letting it stress you. I know it's tough to be interacting with people in a second language and to not understand much of the humour that is bantered around among your colleagues. I cringe at the thought that most days you have to go to the head office and wait to be told where to go for the day because it's not properly organised beforehand, and for you to know that others notice you sitting waiting often for over an hour at a time and think you're not working enough. I know you do your very best and you're a hard worker. I'm impressed at how you seem rather nonplussed about it all, brushing off others' misconceptions by saying "What else can I do? If I'm not being given jobs ahead of time and not being trained to do them on my own or sent with someone else?!" Very true. I have suggested that maybe you might like to look elsewhere but you reassure me that when all is going well (which is rare, you confess!) you really enjoy it and so you carry on. In the meantime I bite my tongue and restrain my fingers from making contact with the company to let them know what I think (I guess that might be appropriate at some point in the future with our children, but not so much coming from a wife to her husband's employers!).

So I observe you with a heart full of pride and gratitude for who you are. I admire your ability to deal with it all in your stride, your perseverence to be committed to the company, to observe and learn as you go without the promised training, your humility to ask, even several times, for someone to repeat themselves if you can't understand, that you can be assertive when people treat you without respect, and your ability to laugh when I would most likely cry and want to run home to everything familiar on the other side of the world! I know that, together, we are grateful for this job at how it seemed to be handed to you on a platter, so-to-speak. There are also other things we really appreciate from it, and we do trust there's a reason. 

In the meantime, while you're at work, I often tell our girls that you're a wonderful papa. You're a good and a hard worker, and I'm thankful they have you as an example of someone who is not only fun-loving and adventurous but also committed, loyal, and perseverant. What a gift for them to grow up with, and an example to me as well :o)

 

:: two sweet three year-olds ::

This past week we celebrated the third birthday of our little girls. On each of their birthdays, as we will probably do for all to come that we will share with them, we remember the day of their birth. A surreal middle-of-the-night rush down to the hospital, checks, a helicopter flight to the nearest hospital with a neonatal unit, an IV trying to stop them coming, and an eventual emergency c-section bringing two tiny 700 gram babies out into the world far too soon. I won't be putting any photos of the girls from that time, but you can go here and here to see how we celebrated their first and second birthdays with photos and videos from that time. Eti and I were reminiscing last night before we went to sleep how amazing it is that they really show no signs of being born at 26 weeks. The only possible one being that one of Elise's vocal chords is still paralysed, but the most likely theory of the cause of this is that it was damaged during her surgery when she was only 12 days old. And it doesn't seem to affect her in any other way than giving her a soft, sweet voice. Amazing.

We will always be thankful to so many. To God who held us and protected our hearts and thoughts in those days, to an incredible neonatal team of nurses, doctors and support workers who cared so well for our girls and provided us with a welcoming second home for many months, and to hundreds if not thousands of friends and strangers around the world who prayed for our girls and encouraged us along the way.

And now Amélie Hope and Elise Grace are three! Lively, chattering, bright, kind-hearted, determined (did they get that from me or from their fight for life?!), beautiful, tender, empathetic, mischievous, creative, funny, sweet three year olds. These days they seem to learn and add more words to their vocabulary at rapid pace. Last night I sat with Amie on my knee and went through several words saying "Mummy says ____, what does Papa call it?" to see whether/how she is able to distinguish her english words from french. With almost each word she knew "how Papa says it." We often silently beckon to each other to come and watch one of them at play or busy reading stories to themselves. I love this age! All the moments of exasperation at the determination to push all buttons and test all limits cannot surpass the moments of pride, love, joy and admiration that we have as parents to our girls.

Here are alot of some photos from our past year. In no particular order, but some moments we have enjoyed and treasure in our little family, including just a few people who are very special to us...